Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Unbearable

My creative juices are all dried up, and I'm seriously begging to be squeezed.

-I realize this could mean a million other things than what it really means. But who the hell cares, isn't the author always dead?

In my case, experiencing extreme drought. Chui left me a message saying: I really feel like going out with you and Rat and be all geeky (for a lack of a better term)! Well I too, felt in dire need to be with other geeks in silly hopes to get inspired and actually finish a haiku for stupidssaake! I'm freaking out because I haven't accomplished anything this summer. Come June I'll visit my adviser and when he asks me: Have you been writing young lady? which is ofcourse far from how he'll ask it in real life. What would I say? That I've wasted 3 months on facebook? I'd be too embarrassed to admit that I've forgotten my manners and forgot to pay my dear old friends (pen and paper) a visit. But if I lie to him and tell him that I've been writing, what then will I show him as proof? And it's not just that I want to impress him, as I've been trying to over and over again since my freshman year - I actually want to impress myself. I was blessed with making the right decision when I chose Sir Dumlao to be my adviser. He was patient enough to point out my mistakes (same ones even on the fourth draft) and generous enough to give me compliments, when I deserved or needed them but I'm afraid that even though I bagged Best Thesis under his guidance, I still wasn't good enough, because I didn't work hard enough. I'll make him proud someday, but when? Now seems like the perfect time to start trying.

Going back to Chui, a few days ago (or was that yesterday?) she told me of her renewed appreciation for e.e. cummings and what good timing it was because I too had rekindled my romance with his works. This makes me want to see her more. I need someone to discuss books and poems with, I think it'll startup my engine. French Film Fest is still a long way from now, and I couldn't wait til then. Geek convention with Rat and Chui please. I need this.

I'm drawing again. But what I need is to start writing again.

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